I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
