I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
