Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
