Will you blow on my dice?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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