"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
