No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
