I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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