After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
