Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
