i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
