I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
