you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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