he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
