im drinking this country out of the recession.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
