Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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