i may or may not be watching the land before time
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
