So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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