so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
