The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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