Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
