i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
