yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
