Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
