some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
