is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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