Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
