I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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