Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
