he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize