She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
