i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
