meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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