I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
