No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you made out with another girl for some wings
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
