he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
