What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
