we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
