well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
