The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
