I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
