i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
