see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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