I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
