i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
