I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
