at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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