using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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