I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize