Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
