she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
