Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
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his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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