don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize