Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
zippers are such a cool invention
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
