I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
