The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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