It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
