I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
