i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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