garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
