I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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