i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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