You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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