I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we're making bets on your personal life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
