It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
