I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
