Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
