i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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