Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
