is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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