I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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