Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
