I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
