I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I love having hate sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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