I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
